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Attorney, Lauren, emails about her client, who continually gives into his co-parent out of fear she will turn the kids against him. Lauren worries this is going to ruin his new marriage if he doesn’t stop catering to his ex. Diane & Rick talk about the risks of thinking this will fix her anger.

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Jake emails about how to get his co-parent to follow the weekly email protocol. He’s tired of answering her multiple texts each day and wants to have some peace. Diane & Rick discuss the importance of setting the boundary and staying consistent and kind until the other parent has no choice but to follow the structure.

To access a sample court order for the email protocol discussed in this episode, click HERE.
For a quick guide to how it works, CLICK HERE!
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Diane & Rick answer Dena’s email questions about her alcoholic co-parent who tells their 9-year-old that the divorce is all mom’s fault. She is exhausted that he won’t listen to their co-parent counselor or take responsibility for his substance abuse issue. She is tired of adjusting to his lack of accountability and wonders how long she will have to keep adjusting. .

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Colin writes that his co-parent’s purposeful resistance to anything he wants or suggests is driving him nuts. He wonders how he will stand to deal with her for the next 15 years! Diane & Rick discuss how to prioritize issues and learn to give the other parent the opportunity first to correct a possible misunderstanding before attributing motives to her behavior or words.

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Diane and Rick talk about listener reviews and discuss what they learned in their trip to Chicago, attending the AFCC (Association for Family and Conciliation Courts) annual conference. They report on themes learned at the conference about high-conflict divorce research and the need for divorce professionals to be appropriately trained before jumping into these complex cases.

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Andy writes in about his alienated 16-year-old daughter and the hurt and pain of not having a relationship with her. He wonders if she is becoming a narcissist like her mom and if it would simply be better to give up on her. Diane & Rick discuss this very painful and difficult situation, offering advice about how to keep the door open without having to experience the constant rejection.

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Judge Warren Davis, a Georgia County Superior Court judge, visits the show to discuss how he views narcissistic co-parents and the tactics he uses to sanction them when their controlling behavior is out of control. Diane & Rick share a listener’s email with the judge to get his insights from the bench.

For more information about the High Conflict Institute discussed on the show, visit https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/

Information regarding the book, The Narcissistic Parent: A Guidebook fo...

Diane & Rick answer a listener’s question about co-parenting with someone she can’t stand. Is it possible to be a “good” co-parent when you have such negative feelings, or are the feelings simply part of the natural grief process? They also discuss her question about accessing the kids by phone while they are at the other parent’s home.

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Diane & Rick address Gillia’s email about a complicated dilemma. Her ex-husband remarried a behavioral specialist, who now thinks she should take mom’s place with the special-needs daughter AND take dad’s place as mom’s co-parent! How do you deal with an overbearing step-parent, who doesn’t understand the boundaries of her role? Should you hold on and put her in her place, or let go of this conflict?

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William emails to ask what to do when his 12-year-old consistently complains about having to go to mom’s house. Diane & Rick speculate on the many possibilities for the resistance, including the mother’s recent remarriage. They help the listener with skills to discern the truth and respond appropriately.

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Diane & Rick address Anna’s voicemail questions regarding what her young daughter reports dad is saying about mom. Anna has chosen to journal the comments, rather than address them with her co-parent. Is there value in journaling or documenting? How should she respond to her daughter’s reports an teach her to set boundaries with dad?

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Diane & Rick tackle a difficult listener dilemma of a father refusing to engage with his two-year-old son. They discuss how to help a child when a parent is absent and what could be going on with a parent who is not interested in parenting.

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Sean writes in with a concern that his co-parent may flee to another country with his children. Diane & Rick discuss the importance of focusing on the present and what Sean can control. They offer tips on how to reduce anxiety by having a plan B.

To find an attorney who specializes in international custody disputes in your area, contact the International Academy of Family Lawyers.

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A second voicemail from Lydia illuminates a common issue -- a child who acts one way at home, but quite differently on a phone call while at the other parent's home. What is really going on here? Diane and Rick discuss the phenomenon of the Chameleon Effect in children of divorce.

Read more about the chameleon effect on children in the book, Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce by Elizabeth Marquardt
More resources about child development and divorce:
—DEVELOPMENTAL NEEDS ...

Lydia from North Carolina calls in to ask what to do for her 10-year-old, who seems to be in distress about events happening at her other parent’s home. Diane & Rick unpack when it is appropriate to speak to the other parent about what a child is reporting or when it is best to maintain confidences. They also discuss four signposts to look for in deciding if counseling is needed for a child.

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Diane & Rick address an email from listener, Anthony, who feels powerless to improve his co-parent relationship. They discuss the importance of taking care of his own emotions so he doesn’t use his child as a sounding board. Diane questions why parents seem shocked that their co-parent is acting (after divorce) much like they did in marriage!

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Diane & Rick talk to expert and researcher Dr. Ben Garber about the necessity of family law professionals approaching family law litigation from a systems perspective, using a Sherlock Holmes method of elimination to understand the dynamics of each case.

Dr. Garber’s website is at https://familylawconsulting.org/

The book (The Family Law Professional’s Field Guide to High Conflict Litigation) can be purchased at:
https://www.americanbar.org/products/inv/book/418772451/
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Diane talks with Rick about her frustrations with how the court system often works against the high-conflict family in litigation. Too many cooks (professionals) in the kitchen (on the case) can prove to be a cure that is worse than the disease.

Diane plugs the organization, Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC):
www.AFCC net.org

The book (High Conflict Litigation) she refers to at the end of the episode can be purchased at:
https://www.americanbar.org/products/inv/book/41877245...

Tara emails a question about her co-parent, who she thinks spoils the children and is too permissive. What is the best parenting style in divorce? Will the kids reject you if they don’t like your style? Diane & Rick discuss four parenting styles and the importance of balance in all situations.

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Travis writes in and asks about the nuances of co-parenting an infant when he and the other parent were never married. Is co-parenting after divorce different than if you were never married? What does the research say about sharing time with very young children? Diane & Rick answer these and other questions about this sensitive topic.

Social Science and Parenting Plans for Young Children (article by Richard Warshak, mentioned in this episode)

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Diane & Rick unpack the risks and benefits of using social media in long-distance parenting, as well as what details should be included in a long-distance parenting plan.

RESOURCES discussed on this episode:
https://cnfc.org/wp-content/uploads/Family-Court-Review-2016-Stahl-Critical-Issues-in-Relocation-Cases-A-Custody-Evaluator-s-Response-to-Parkinson-and.pdf

Creating the Perfect Long Distance Parenting Plan | OurFamilyWizard
How Having a Distance Parent Affects a Child - distanceparent.org
h...

Tom emails a question about how to respond when his co-parent goes silent on a time-sensitive decision and how to react to the children, who seem to be using the same passive-aggressive techniques with him. Diane & Rick discuss how to resolve time-sensitive conflicts and talk to teenagers who are clearly stuck in the middle of the adult conflict.

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In this episode, Diane & Rick answer a question from a parenting coordinator about how to define a medical expense and an extracurricular activity, especially as it pertains to financial reimbursement from one co-parent to the other. What might seem simple to address when parents create a parenting plan can become very complicated if you are working with an impossible co-parent. Setting things up for success requires a more detailed framework in the parenting plan than using simple terms.

CLICK...

David asks if he should ask the court for more time with his kids because of alienating behaviors he suspects their mom is encouraging. Diane & Rick discuss the risks of making an already insecure parent more insecure by further court action and how that may affect the children. They also provide advice about the importance of the non-custodial parent creating an environment where the children can be themselves and simply be children, regardless of what the other parent is doing.

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