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Diane & Rick address Gillia’s email about a complicated dilemma. Her ex-husband remarried a behavioral specialist, who now thinks she should take mom’s place with the special-needs daughter AND take dad’s place as mom’s co-parent! How do you deal with an overbearing step-parent, who doesn’t understand the boundaries of her role? Should you hold on and put her in her place, or let go of this conflict?

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William emails to ask what to do when his 12-year-old consistently complains about having to go to mom’s house. Diane & Rick speculate on the many possibilities for the resistance, including the mother’s recent remarriage. They help the listener with skills to discern the truth and respond appropriately.

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Diane & Rick address Anna’s voicemail questions regarding what her young daughter reports dad is saying about mom. Anna has chosen to journal the comments, rather than address them with her co-parent. Is there value in journaling or documenting? How should she respond to her daughter’s reports an teach her to set boundaries with dad?

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Diane & Rick tackle a difficult listener dilemma of a father refusing to engage with his two-year-old son. They discuss how to help a child when a parent is absent and what could be going on with a parent who is not interested in parenting.

We support the people of Ukraine and encourage our listeners to provide financial and prayer support. To give to a reputable organization, follow one of these links: UMCOR, Ukrainian Red Cross, The International Rescue Committee, or GobalGiving.com.

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Sean writes in with a concern that his co-parent may flee to another country with his children. Diane & Rick discuss the importance of focusing on the present and what Sean can control. They offer tips on how to reduce anxiety by having a plan B.

To find an attorney who specializes in international custody disputes in your area, contact the International Academy of Family Lawyers.

We support the people of Ukraine and encourage our listeners to provide financial and prayer support. To give to a...

A second voicemail from Lydia illuminates a common issue -- a child who acts one way at home, but quite differently on a phone call while at the other parent's home. What is really going on here? Diane and Rick discuss the phenomenon of the Chameleon Effect in children of divorce.

Read more about the chameleon effect on children in the book, Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce by Elizabeth Marquardt
More resources about child development and divorce:
—DEVELOPMENTAL NEEDS ...

Lydia from North Carolina calls in to ask what to do for her 10-year-old, who seems to be in distress about events happening at her other parent’s home. Diane & Rick unpack when it is appropriate to speak to the other parent about what a child is reporting or when it is best to maintain confidences. They also discuss four signposts to look for in deciding if counseling is needed for a child.

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Diane & Rick address an email from listener, Anthony, who feels powerless to improve his co-parent relationship. They discuss the importance of taking care of his own emotions so he doesn’t use his child as a sounding board. Diane questions why parents seem shocked that their co-parent is acting (after divorce) much like they did in marriage!

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Diane & Rick talk to expert and researcher Dr. Ben Garber about the necessity of family law professionals approaching family law litigation from a systems perspective, using a Sherlock Holmes method of elimination to understand the dynamics of each case.

Dr. Garber’s website is at https://familylawconsulting.org/

The book (The Family Law Professional’s Field Guide to High Conflict Litigation) can be purchased at:
https://www.americanbar.org/products/inv/book/418772451/
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Diane talks with Rick about her frustrations with how the court system often works against the high-conflict family in litigation. Too many cooks (professionals) in the kitchen (on the case) can prove to be a cure that is worse than the disease.

Diane plugs the organization, Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC):
www.AFCC net.org

The book (High Conflict Litigation) she refers to at the end of the episode can be purchased at:
https://www.americanbar.org/products/inv/book/41877245...

Tara emails a question about her co-parent, who she thinks spoils the children and is too permissive. What is the best parenting style in divorce? Will the kids reject you if they don’t like your style? Diane & Rick discuss four parenting styles and the importance of balance in all situations.

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Do you have a co-parent dilemma? Call our voicemail number at 1-234-DILEMMA (1-234-345-3662) or email 1234Di...

Travis writes in and asks about the nuances of co-parenting an infant when he and the other parent were never married. Is co-parenting after divorce different than if you were never married? What does the research say about sharing time with very young children? Diane & Rick answer these and other questions about this sensitive topic.

Social Science and Parenting Plans for Young Children (article by Richard Warshak, mentioned in this episode)

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Diane & Rick unpack the risks and benefits of using social media in long-distance parenting, as well as what details should be included in a long-distance parenting plan.

RESOURCES discussed on this episode:
https://cnfc.org/wp-content/uploads/Family-Court-Review-2016-Stahl-Critical-Issues-in-Relocation-Cases-A-Custody-Evaluator-s-Response-to-Parkinson-and.pdf

Creating the Perfect Long Distance Parenting Plan | OurFamilyWizard
How Having a Distance Parent Affects a Child - distanceparent.org
h...

Tom emails a question about how to respond when his co-parent goes silent on a time-sensitive decision and how to react to the children, who seem to be using the same passive-aggressive techniques with him. Diane & Rick discuss how to resolve time-sensitive conflicts and talk to teenagers who are clearly stuck in the middle of the adult conflict.

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In this episode, Diane & Rick answer a question from a parenting coordinator about how to define a medical expense and an extracurricular activity, especially as it pertains to financial reimbursement from one co-parent to the other. What might seem simple to address when parents create a parenting plan can become very complicated if you are working with an impossible co-parent. Setting things up for success requires a more detailed framework in the parenting plan than using simple terms.

CLICK...

David asks if he should ask the court for more time with his kids because of alienating behaviors he suspects their mom is encouraging. Diane & Rick discuss the risks of making an already insecure parent more insecure by further court action and how that may affect the children. They also provide advice about the importance of the non-custodial parent creating an environment where the children can be themselves and simply be children, regardless of what the other parent is doing.

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Diane & Rick help a mom with a daughter who is angry at her because she had an affair on her dad. How much detail do kids need about their parents’ breakup? What value is the “truth” in these situations? Listen to a discussion about how children form their identities through what they believe about their parents and how to protect a child’s self-esteem by limiting negative information about the divorce.

Diane mentioned a 2018 study about how adult children of divorce struggle with the parent wh...

Emma from Atlanta thinks one of her her co-parent’s decisions isn’t fair to their child, who is experiencing anxiety and nightmares. How much of it is connected to the dad’s decision, and what part does the co-parent conflict play? Diane & Rick unpack this complicated, but common, dilemma.

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Do you have a co-parent dilemma? Call our voicemail number at 1-234-DILEMMA (1-234-345-3662) or email 1234Dilemm...

Diane & Rick respond to an email from Janelle who struggles to please her co-parent without being walked on, and at the same time is afraid to set boundaries for fear her ex and the court will see her as a "bad" co-parent. They discuss what kids really need the co-parent relationship to look like in order to be okay.

For more info about the email communication protocol mentioned in this episode, click HERE.
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This time of year presents unique challenges for co-parents that those who don't understand (like extended family members) struggle to grasp. Diane and Rick talk about how to manage the many issues and emotions co-parents face in planning a "happy" holiday season.

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Do you have a co-parent dilemma? Call our voicemail number at 1-234-DILEMMA (1-234-345-3662) or email 1234Dilemma@gmail.com

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Mark from Georgia emails that his co-parent refuses to allow him to have time with their two sons. Diane & Rick discuss practical solutions to help Mark work through this issue, but they also provide important emotional considerations for how to relate to the children in this difficult circumstance.

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Do you have a co-parent dilemma? Call our voicemail number at 1-234-DILEMMA (1-234-345-3662) or email ...

In this episode, Diane talks candidly with Rick about the distinction between narcissitic personality disorder and narcissitic tendencies that we all may struggle with. They discuss how narcisstic abuse affects co-parents and their children and strategies to preserve a sense of self-worth when a narcissist is determined to destroy it to maintain their own one-up position.

Resources to assist those who are healing from narcisisstic abuse:

Patricia Evans' groundbreaking book, The Verbally Abusiv...

A listener in Vancouver shares a concern about his 4-year-old being encouraged to call his step-father "Dad" and wants to know if he should correct this or talk to his co-parent about teaching their child that he only has one "Dad." Diane and Rick discuss both sides of this issue and when to let it go and when it is appropriate to address it with the other parent.

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Do you have a co-parent dilemma? Cal...

Diane & Rick join Leh Meriwether and Todd Orston of Divorce Team Radio in a discussion about the benefits and risks of a 14-year-old making a custody decision. Although they specifically discuss a Georgia law regarding when a child can make a custody election, the mental health concepts discussed are applicable to all families.

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Do you have a co-parent dilemma? Call our voicemail number at 1-234-DILEM...